How to: Step-Mom 101

TJ & I back in high school, 2010

People always gawk at me when I say, “he’s actually my step-son” but nothing can prepare you for life as a new stepmom. Back in high school, I fell ‘madly’ in love with the boy on the football team - typical high school fling, as you could imagine (obviously many years before little man was even thought about). I would never have pictured that our friendship would eventually last over 10 years and turn into my forever family. 
 
I am going to share with you my personal story on becoming a stepmom and creating a beautiful blended family, or as I call it – How to: Step mom 101. 
 
Here is the kicker, I AM TRYING TO FINISH COLLEGE! HOW DO I DO THIS ‘MOM’ THING?
 
This is TJ by the way…. Short for Thomas James. He is the roots of our relationship and he definitely keeps me grounded. We met at a winter formal homecoming dance; our friends introduced us to each other that night. We had a fling together for half a year or so, and we had a lot of fun between sporting events and enjoying summer time! Long story short, he broke my heart, I cried and cried and cried… but life moves on.  
 
You are probably wondering where the step-mom thing comes in the story. That comes next.
(TJ had a relationship during the time we were not together, which was over five years, and when two people ‘love’ each other, well you know how the rest of the story goes.)
 
I found out from a friend that TJ had broken up with his ex & mother of his child because of some of her choices. TJ and I met up one night for dinner (against what my gut told me, but I just initially felt bad for him honestly) because he needed to talk to someone.
 
As you can see, I fell for him.. and even harder this time. I could actually see a future for us, and it feels good. Fast forward to now, we have been together for 3 years, bought our first family home, and we hope to be married in the near future upon graduation from the University of Mount Union. 
 
I thought I knew what I wanted in life, but then I met Landon James Mathes! He was born on November 17, 2014 and even though he was not physically born from my body (but from TJ’s previous failed relationship), that day will forever have changed my life. When TJ and I decided that we wanted to be officially dating, I knew that I needed to make a very tough decision that would literally change my entire life. For 18+ more years. And trust me, there it is a lot more involved behind the scenes. So if I meet his kid, like its real…. 
 
…and boy is it real! Look at that smile, I would not want my life any other way. Learning how to ‘stepmom’ has been one of the most rewarding milestones I have ever accomplished. Sure its hard, some days it seems easier to just quit. The next morning when he comes crawling in bed to give us cuddles, it makes it all worth it. 
 
But one of my favorite things about being a stepmom is the real, unconditional love I have experienced while raising this child. I could care less what people think about me because it was my choice to love him and that is a whole different kind of love. It is a love that I have never felt before and it is just amazing to know that someone looks up to me like he does- and to I know that I am great example to him while TJ and I continue to raise a little boy makes me feel more accomplished than ever. He is growing and learning every day and I know that one day, he will understand everything and that is all the matters. I will always love him and take care of him like he is mine, and here is how I stay sane to handle all of this:
 
How to: Step mom 101

1. Make sure TJ & I relationship comes first and stays healthy
2. Accept that blended families come with extra challenges. Like baby momma’s. 
3. Be the calm in the storm
4. Remind little man how much I love him no matter what
5. Unplug, unwind, and take me time

 

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February 2019